If Finn the Kitty was in a Human World – Part #1

Greetings, humble humans! I’m Finn—a cat, poet, nap connoisseur, and undisputed ruler of the living room rug. You may think your species has all the answers, but I’m here to offer some whiskered wisdom straight from the cat’s mouth.

Nap like nobody’s watching, but if they are, make it performance art.
I stretch dramatically. Flop with flair. Let out a sigh so theatrical, it belongs on Broadway.
I choose locations that spark intrigue such as laundry baskets, empty boxes, the top of the fridge, or
maybe I’ll sleep in the sunbeam like it’s a spotlight, center stage.

Knock things off tables strategically.  They call it destruction.  I call it performance art.  I choose my object. Bonus if it’s fragile. Double bonus if it’s sentimental. Then I stare at it. Engage eye contact with the nearest human. Maintain this for maximum dramatic tension. Extend a paw with slow precision… then the final push!  Let the laws of physics take over.
I watch te human’s reaction. If they flinch, I purr. If they yell, blink innocently and lick my shoulder. Then I leave the crime scene. It’s not about being naughty—it’s about reminding the household who’s really in charge.

Hairballs are nature’s confetti.  Not everyone appreciates the artistry of the surprise splat, but I do.  I spend hours grooming with Olympic-level commitment. Then I choose my stage. Carpet is ideal for maximum contrast. I cough with conviction and add a little hop or backwards shuffle for flair and let gravity and chaos do the rest. After, I walk away without explanation, because art doesn’t apologize. It demands interpretation.  Finally, I watch from afar, and see your humans flinch, sigh, and grab paper towels. That, my friend, is performance gratification.

……. Stay turned for part #2